My deed is done, Penndarin is finally dead. Though as hard as I try, the satisfaction of finally avenging Jerle was short lived. I have come to believe that destroying Penndarin has destroyed a part of who I was. To kill a monster, it takes a monster, and that is what I fear I have become. I destroyed his spirit, there is no return for him. But was it worth it in the end? That is a question that will haunt me for the rest of my days.
Yes, he killed my best friend, and yes I took great satisfaction out of destroying and absorbing his spirit, but it felt to me as though something was missing… until I saw her. I am free of being twisted with hatred, but I feel as though I am imprisoned in my own feelings. Every time I look at her, I feel a great sense of respect and another feeling I haven’t felt since the last time i saw Alasaria. This feeling puzzles me, and goes deeper than the way I felt towards Alasaria. I can’t figure out why I am so compelled to keep her from harm, perhaps it’s because she is Jerle’s sister, but i don’t think it’s that. It seems as though there’s more to me than i thought. I find it impossible to worry about my own safety and well-being before i worry about hers, it worries me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone or anything… I suppose I will have to wait it out and see what happens. Is this love, or just a connection between our fates? Was Jerle meant to die? Is it my fate to meet her, to protect her? I don’t know what my feelings are doing to me. I feel…. happy… a feeling I have not felt in quite some time..
Jerle came to me in my dreams and told me to let go of the past, and look towards the future. Is this it? Am I actually destined for greatness, am I meant for something more? I have slain Penndarin, the man who has driven me to the point of insanity, the man who has kept me hating him for so long that I have been determined not to die until his last breath was released. I have also gained forgiveness from Jerle for killing him, and for failing to keep him alive through his transformation due to the corruption. I have only two things left to do before I can die happy, gain Alasaria’s forgiveness for saying all of the hateful things I said to her and hold my promise to Jerle and keep his sister alive. But is it just a promise? or something more? I’m lost…